She Doesn't Look Good
The latest trend among female celebrities is to rewind the aging clock anywhere from twenty to sixty years, and in a way that is fairly convincing. Middle aged and downright old celebrities seem to have discovered the fountain of youth. Dark rumors circulate that formerly botched-looking famous women such as Demi Moore and Christina Aguilera are consuming adrenochrome, a drug manufactured from the adrenal secretions of tortured children and babies. Other rumors claim celebrities are cloned. Lindsay Lohan, who looked rough at age twenty-two (around 2010 or so) when she was clearly addicted to various substances now looks twenty-two again. She does and does not look like the same person. She is remarkably taller, as if she had brutal leg-lengthening surgery that involves breaking and stretching bone, and she is missing her trademark freckles. Her perfect blond coif used to be red. She looks like a Stepford Wife, as if her consciousness has been replaced. In 2018, a deranged, red-haired Lindsay Lohan propositioned a Syrian refugee in pigdin Arabic, trying to get the wife and her children to accompany her back to her hotel room. The video was posted to Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram. Current Lindsay Lohan is married to an Arabian billionaire and they have a young child together. Her recent comeback has peppered screens everywhere with her serene, blond, 1993-Vogue-thin image. It is as if Druggy, Messy Lindsay never happened.
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